Everyday is Like Sunday

Back in JPod, Bree said, "Maybe McDonald's food is the way it is because Ronald is lonely."

"Lonely? He's asexual."

"That doesn't mean he's not lonely. Maybe he needs a cat."

"I bet he is into water sports."

"Not, that'd mess up his makeup."

"I think he's probably bi-curious."

"Bi-curious? How can he be bi-curious? By now he's at least fifty."

"He's from a different era.They didn't discuss certain topics back then."

"Well, then, how does he stay so young-looking?"

"Steroids, Botox, Happy Meals."

"But all those kids' birthday parties must leave him pretty haggard."

"I wonder what he'd be like on a date."

"Well, you couldn't really go to a movie with him, because everybody would recognize him. No privacy. It'd be like dating Spider-man."

"Where do you live if you are Ronald McDonald? He must be loaded-- Bel Air? I mean, he can't even go out for a coffee without looking like a flashing red light."

"Maybe he takes off his makeup and wears sweats."

"No, I don't think so. If you're Ronald, then part of the whole metaphysical proposition is that you can never 'go civilian.'"

"I agree. On The Simpsons, whenever you see Krusty the Clown, even if he's in a Jacuzzi or as a baby, he's always got his full makeup on."

"I bet Ronald drinks."

"All clowns drink. They need to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living. I wonder what you say to your parents: 'Mon, Dad --I want to be a clown. I'm going to Clown School, and you can't stop me.'"

"Can you imagine the annual family Christmas card photocopied mail-out? Dan broke his left arm skiing in February, but six weeks in a split and he's tickety-boo. Laurie got her accreditation and is now a fully qualified dental hygienist. Mark brought shame upon the family after he signed up for the local community college's Clown School. He says the program will put him into the clown fast track, but now he's dead to us."

"I bet Ronald is home as we speak --it's his day off. He's in his bathrobe and staring out the den window at his immaculately maintained front garden. He wonders if it was all worth it -- the fame, the money, the fries-- and the he has his moment when he realizes that this is all he'll ever be. It shocks him --the purity of the emotion. He has to sit down in an armchair. He reaches over to the bookshelf and, from between a row of comic books, he removes a bottle of Scotch."